I really like this poem and many of the ideas and images you bring across, but think you could perhaps tidy it up a bit.
My favourite lines:
“I’d rather rot to death in a cell than die here alone”
--I love this poignant idea but think it could be slightly reworded, e.g. "a rotting prison death is preferrable to here and now, alone" or something similar to that, perhaps?

"I could hear the screams of my friends being killed
It sounded like they were laughing"
Same applies. Something like "the screams of dying friends somehow seemed like carefree laughter" or just a different syntax here might sound better?

"She shrugged, and wrapped my heart in barbed wire."
No suggestion for improvement really; I just love this line, and actually the entire verse it introduces. If/when you go back to polish this out, I'd suggest leaving it as it is. It has great use of grammar and is extremely powerful.

Overall, good job, especially for just getting your feelings out! Sustained and effective imagery all the way through.

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And he begged her for explanation; and laughing, she held him in her arms and explained the secret of the void.

Eli this is fucking amazing man.

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"Falling all over my self to lick your heart and taste your health"-Anthony Kedis

Thanks for your thoughts man, not often I'm visited with meaningful critique. Although I wasn't particularily looking for it, I appreciate it, and it might even be a platform for me to polish it up.

This was the result of some weird feelings I've been having for the last few days, and might have some subconcious ties to the Waco massacre.

In all honesty I guess it just expresses my lack of confidence.

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I once had a lemonade stand. I sold the first glass for 50¢, then I sold the second glass for 5$. It contained the antidote.

Thanks man, wanna go for a smoke?

--
I once had a lemonade stand. I sold the first glass for 50¢, then I sold the second glass for 5$. It contained the antidote.

Don't listen to anything anyone says about this poem, unless it's 'Perfect.'. Because it is. It gave me the shivers -twice- (and not many things do that). It's good to see something from you again, Eli. I rarely see you post now.

My fav. line is the last one.

" The last things I saw before I died were her shoelaces, and her new, beautiful hair. "

Fantastic.

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Lo, Rasputin! Bring hither the bucket of soapy frogs!
(\ /)
( . .)
('('

Eee. ^^

I know I've been inactive, it's this stupid schoolwork. And of course, stupid Emily.

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I once had a lemonade stand. I sold the first glass for 50¢, then I sold the second glass for 5$. It contained the antidote.

I hardly ever see a poem with the ABAC rhyme scheme. I'd even forgotten to consider it as an option.

What other poetry have you got? I'd like to see more.

Poetry?

Pshh.

I think that was probably the third poem I've written my entire life including the ones I had to write for high school english class.

I didn't even know there was an ABAC rhyme scheme. I thought I was being original.

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I once had a lemonade stand. I sold the first glass for 50¢, then I sold the second glass for 5$. It contained the antidote.